7. Marriage and Family Life

(Excerpts from Door to the Future [Asu e no Tobira])

 

7.2. Preparation

 

127.”…man should know his own self, and recognize that which leadeth unto loftiness or lowliness, glory or abasement, wealth or poverty.”

(Bahá'u'lláh: Tablets of Bahá'u'lláh, p. 35)

 

128. “Far, far from Thy glory be what mortal man can affirm of Thee, or attribute unto Thee, or the praise with which he can glorify Thee! Whatever duty Thou hast prescribed unto Thy servants of extolling to the utmost Thy majesty and glory is but token of Thy grace unto them, that they may be enabled to ascend unto the station conferred upon their own inmost being, the station of the knowledge of their own selves.”

(Bahá'u'lláh: Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá'u'lláh, I, pp. 4-5)

 

129. “As for the question regarding marriage under the Law of God first thou must choose one who is pleasing to thee, and then the matter is subject to the consent of father and mother. Before thou makest thy choice, they have no right to interfere.”

('Abdu'l-Bahá: Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Bahá, p. 118)

 

130. "Verily in the Book of Bayan (the Báb's, Revelation) the matter is restricted to the consent of both (bride and bridegroom). As we desired to bring about love and friendship and the unity of the people, therefore We made it conditional upon the consent of the parents also, that enmity and ill-feeling might be avoided."

(Bahá'u'lláh: Bahá'í Marriage and Family Life, p. 22)

 

131. "Bahá'u'lláh has clearly stated the consent of all living parents required for Bahá'í marriage. This applies whether the parents are Bahá'ís or non- Bahá'ís, divorced for years or not. This great law He has laid down to strengthen the social fabric, to knit closer the ties of the home, to place a certain gratitude and respect in the hearts of children for those who have given them life and sent their souls out on the eternal journey towards their Creator. We Bahá'ís must realize that in present-day society the exact opposite process is taking place: young people care less and less for their parents' wishes, divorce is considered a natural right, and obtained on the flimsiest and most unwarrantable and shabby pretexts. People separated from each other, especially if one of them has had full custody of the children, are only too willing to belittle the importance of the partner in marriage also responsible as a parent for bringing those children into this world. The Bahá'ís must, through rigid adherence to the Bahá'í laws and teachings, combat these corrosive forces which are so rapidly destroying home life and the beauty of family relationships, and tearing down the moral structure of society."

(Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated October 25, 1947, written on his behalf to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States: Bahá'í Marriage and Family Life, p. 23)

 

132. "Bahá'ís who cannot marry because of lack of consent of one or more parents could consult with their Local Spiritual Assembly, to see whether it may suggest a way to change the attitude of any of the parents involved. The believers, when faced with such problems, should put their trust in Bahá'u'lláh, devote more time to the service, the teaching and the promotion of His Faith, be absolutely faithful to His injunctions on the observance of an unsullied, chaste life, and rely upon Him to open the way and remove the obstacle, or make known His will."

(Universal House of Justice, from a letter dated September 9, 1969 to an individual believer: Bahá'í Marriage and Family Life, p. 25)

 

133. "In considering the effect of obedience to the laws on individual lives, one must remember that the purpose of this life is to prepare the soul for the next. Here one must learn to control and direct one's animal impulses, not to be a slave to them. Life in this world is a succession of tests and achievements, of falling short and of making new spiritual advances. Sometimes the course may seem very hard, but one can witness, again and again, that the soul who steadfastly obeys the law of Bahá'u'lláh, however hard it may seem, grows spiritually, while the one who compromises with the law for the sake of his own apparent happiness is seen to have been following a chimera: he does not attain the happiness he sought, he retards his spiritual advance and often brings new problems upon himself. "To give one very obvious example: The Bahá'í law requiring consent of parents to marriage. All too often nowadays such consent is withheld by non-Bahá'í parents for reasons of bigotry or racial prejudice; yet we have seen again and again the profound effect on those very parents of the firmness of the children in the Bahá'í law, to the extent that not only is the consent ultimately given in many cases, but the character of the parents can be affected and their relationship with their child greatly strengthened. "Thus, by upholding Bahá'í law in the face of all difficulties we not only strengthen our own characters but influence those around us."

(Universal House of Justice: Bahá'í Marriage and Family Life, pp. 25-26)

 

134. “A couple should study each other’s character ad spend time getting to know each other before they decide to marry, and when they do marry it should be with the intention of establishing an eternal bond.”

(Universal House of Justice, from a letter dated November 2, 1982 to an individual believer: Bahá'í Marriage and Family Life, p. 20)

 

135. Bahá'í marriage is union and cordial affection between the two parties.  They must, however, exercise the utmost care and become acquainted with each other’s character.  This eternal bond should be made secure by a firm covenant, and the intention should be to foster harmony, fellowship and unity and to attain everlasting life…. -'Abdu'l-Bahá

('Abdu'l-Bahá: A Fortress for Well-Being, pp. 29-30)

 

136. "Concerning the question of marriage and the stipulated period between the time of the engagement and the marriage, this is the decisive text of the Book of God and may not be interpreted. In the past, serious difficulties and problems arose when a long period of time elapsed between the engagement and the marriage. Now according to the Text of the Book, when marriage between the parties is arranged, i ,e, when the parties become engaged, and it is certain that they will be married, not more than ninety-five days should elapse before the marriage takes place…”

('Abdu'l-Bahá, quoted in a letter dated April 11, 1982 from the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States: Bahá'í Marriage and Family Life, p. 26)

 

137. "The law requiring Bahá'ís to be married within the ninety-five day period following the engagement is not yet applicable in the West. However, Iranians residing in the West obey such laws as a matter of conscience."

(Universal House of Justice, from a letter dated July 14, 1965 to a National Spiritual Assembly: Bahá'í Marriage and Family Life, p. 27)

 

138. “The beginning of the ninety-five days before the marriage is the day on which the consents have been obtained.”

(Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 3, 1943 to an individual believer: Bahá'í Marriage and Family Life, p. 26)

 

139. "Concerning the observance of details of Bahá'í law pertaining to marriage such as the duration of the engagement period…by the lranian believers now residing in the West, these laws are binding if the two parties are lranians. However, if one party is lranian and the other is a western believer, the lranian believer, although it is a praiseworthy act to inform his/her spouse of these laws, should not bring pressure to bear for their observance."

(Universal House of Justice, from a letter dated July 7, 1968 to an individual believer: Bahá'í Marriage and Family Life, p. 27)