Preparation and Procedure for Marriage

And when He desired to manifest grace and beneficence to men, and to set the world in order, He revealed observances and created laws; among them He established the law of marriage, made it as a fortress for well-being and salvation, and enjoined it upon us in that which was sent down out of the heaven of sanctity in His Most Holy Book. He saith, great is His glory: “Marry, O people, that from you may appear he who will remember Me amongst My servants; this is one of My commandments unto you; obey it as an assistance to yourselves.” —Bahá’u’lláh

The administrative procedure and the requirements for Baha’i marriage are as follows:

（１） Obtain parental consent for marriage: Parental consent is required whether the partner is Baha’ i or not. The definition of ‘parent’ is ‘biological parent.’ If, however, there is a special circumstance, such as the biological parent has been absent for a long time, consult the National Spiritual Assembly. In principle, the consent is to be obtained in writing. One may wish to use the template; the names of the two partners engaged and their parents, the signatures of the parents and the date signed are necessary.

（２） Obtain two witnesses: They need not be Baha’i. Parents of the couple can be witnesses too. The witnesses must be approved by the Spiritual Assembly and the standard for approval is ‘trustworthiness.’

（３） Prior notification to the Spiritual Assembly: Once you obtain parental consent and two witnesses, notify the Spiritual Assembly along with the specific information of the wedding (date and place) for its administrative approval. If there is no Local Spiritual Assembly couple’s community, they can go the one at the nearest location or directly to the National Spiritual Assembly. The Assembly will ensure that all the requirements are met appropriately.

（４） Wedding: The Baha’i wedding is simple and consists of exchange of the wedding vow by the couple—‘We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God.’

（５） Signing of the marriage certificate: When the wedding is complete, the couple and the witnesses sign the marriage certificate. Its copy is to be sent to the Spiritual Assembly while the original is kept by the couple. (The form can be obtained from the National Office at <nationaloffice@bahaijp.org>)

（６） Holding other weddings: Other weddings such as civil marriage or wedding ceremonies of other religions are to be held, in principle, on the same day as the Baha’i wedding. The civil marriage in Japan consists of notifying the city office. However, weddings are often held on the weekend, when the city office is closed. In such cases, the couple is advised to consult the city office beforehand, obtain necessary forms and arrange for notification to be made on the weekend. Experience so far shows that, in most cases, notification can be received on the weekend but processed on the next business day. If such an arrangement is not possible, then the couple is to simply notify the city office at the earliest available date.

（７） Holding of other religious weddings is to be done in the same spirit; on the same day as the Baha’i wedding, in principle.

（８） Baha’u’llah’s Book of Law, the Kitab-i-Aqdas, stipulates that there be no more than a period of 95 days between the announcement of engagement and the weddings. This law is currently applicable only to Baha’is of the Middle Eastern background. However, the spirit of the law is to avoid any unnecessary complications by prolonging the engagement period and the couple of other backgrounds can also benefit from obedience to this law.

（９） Program: The Baha’i wedding itself is quite simple. However, by custom, friends freely add more elements to the program such as prayers, quotations from the Writings, music and the like. There is no set rules and ritualization is to be avoided. However, for your reference, a sample program can be obtained online.

（１０） Also to be noted is the difference between the wedding and the reception. It is sometimes difficult to gather many relatives and friends on the same day, especially in the case of international couples. For this reason, it becomes difficult to decide on the wedding date or the wedding is postponed to a substantially distant date. The spirit of the Baha’i law regarding the wedding is that it be simple and can be held only with two witnesses. What is often thought as ‘wedding’ is actually ‘reception,’ which can be held on a separate day.

（１１） Finally, the Kitab-i-Aqdas also stipulates on dowry, which the groom is to send to the bride. This law is also applicable only to the Baha’is of the Middle Eastern background at this point. Just for your information, the amount of dowry for village dwellers is 19 mithqals of silver and for city dwellers 19 mithqals of gold (approximately 4,800 yen and 340,000 yen, respectively, as of May, 2015). Depending on the culture and economic situations, dowry may take a non-monetary form. The spirit of this law is that Baha’u’llah simplify this custom, which can be extremely complex and prohibitive in the financial amount traditionally. It is a symbol of commitment to the marriage.

（１２） For further details about the Baha’i law on marriage, see the quotations on this website. There is also an excellent study material titled Marriage: A Fortress for Well-Being, which the prospective couple may wish to study together before and after the wedding.

Step 1. Know yourself – know what leads to loftiness and to abasement

A. Your spiritual foundations

B. Work on your virtues.

Step 2. Means are needed –

What skills and abilities will enable you to establish your home and your relationship to the community?

A.     Occupation and Work

B.     Home-making skills –

Orderliness and Cleanliness (preparing for routine and non-routine)

Food and Hospitality, (staying healthy, sharing happy times)

Handling Finances (budgeting fundamentals)

Arts and Hobbies (for balance and spiritual development)

C. Child-rearing (preparing for roles as father, mother, etc.)

D. Consultation, empathy and communication (sharing information, making plans, bridging differences, settling problems, evaluating experiences, being a companion)

Step 3. Selecting a partner that is pleasing.

A.     Investigating Character

a.      What is on your list of admired qualities?

b.      In what conditions can you best observe character in action?

c.      Topics that a couple SHOULD discuss before making commitments.

                                                                          i.      Financial foundation and considerations such as health factors

                                                                       ii.      Plans for children

                                                                     iii.      Use of time and other resources

                                                                      iv.      Relationships with family and community

                                                                         v.      Your physical and spiritual relationship

d.      Deeper considerations on the couple and their relationship to family and community (various views on role, commitment, beliefs, etc.)

B.     Gaining parental permission (When it’s easy; when it’s not so easy…)

Step 4. Engagement period – not more than 95 days after permission is obtained.

Step 5. A Baha'i Wedding:

*Inform and obtain approval from an Assembly: It is usually a Local Spiritual Assembly but in its absence the National Spiritual Assembly.

*Whether the ceremony will be simple or elaborate is totally up to you.